This is motherhood.

What’s labor like? How does it feel when your water breaks? How can I tell if these are contractions or Braxton Hicks?

These were all questions that I asked women, including my mother, before I had my baby. I got several different responses, “I don’t remember” “it’s different for everyone”, “it’s a gush of water”, “my water never broke”, or “trust me honey, you will know if they are contractions.”

I could only say, “Thanks, that was incredibly helpful”……NOT. Come on, I am about to have a baby ladies! Give me something-anything! Help put my mind at ease! I wanted someone to tell me more detail about their experience, so I knew what to expect. Something that I couldn’t find in the baby books. I just wanted someone to be real with me! I was like a fat zit ready to pop at any given moment- afraid to even sneeze thinking my water would break.

Well Mama, I hate to tell you this, but every labor story is different. Maybe reading my labor story will put you at ease.

It was about 12:45am on May 6, 2020. I woke up to the feeling of tight contractions lasting about 40 seconds every 20 minutes. Something in my body told me that my son was coming. Maybe it was my son ready to come out singing, “Oh I just can’t wait to be king” because my husband had finished reading Disney’s, “The Lion King” to my belly.

When I called the hospital, she said they were just Braxton Hicks and I was not due for another week. She recommended that I go back to bed. Soooo… I took an Advil and back to bed I went still feeling these painful contractions. Like a rocking boat, I was moving back and forth searching for a comfortable position. I was about to fall asleep, and POP!

Like the sound of running water- my water broke everywhere! It was the weirdest feeling. Uncontrollable liquid was falling so fast down my legs all over the carpets that my husband had just finished shampooing. I trailed it all the way to the bathroom. As I looked up, Ryan and I made eye contact, took a deep breath, and uncontrollably laughed. We packed our bags, and made our way to the hospital to become FIRST TIME PARENTS! Know that going into this our Lamaze and breastfeeding classes were cancelled due to COVID-19 and my husband had never even held a baby before! Needless to say, we were totally ready to kick ass at being parents!

When we got to the hospital, Ryan had to wait outside until I made it through Triage. They took me into a room and had me sit in a chair while I waited to get tested for COVID-19. It was terrible! I was sitting in a plastic shower chair, dripping, handling labor contractions, while breathing with a mask on my face. Once my results came back negative, they moved me to a Labor and Delivery room and I was reunited with Ryan. Because of COVID-19, I wasn’t able to completely follow my labor plan. I was not able to walk around, had to continue to wear a mask, could not shower, and could not have family or friends visit. I was also discouraged when they told me I was not able to have an outside organization do placenta encapsulation because it could be a biohazard and they had strict rules about letting people into the hospital. I was struggling with a lot of anxiety and struggling with back labor. I decided to get an epidural in hopes that I would be a little bit more comfortable. The epidural was incredibly terrifying for me. If I could describe it to you in one word it would be PRESSURE. I was way more afraid of it than necessary- I didn’t feel pain. It was like something was being pushed really hard into my spine taking up space. Once the epidural was in, I was good to go.

SIDE NOTE: Whether you choose to have an epidural, water birth, natural, or c-section, that's just it Mama! IT'S YOUR CHOICE. Let's stop mom shaming and start mom praising! You are already doing a kick ass job! Make your birth experience how YOU want it to be!

For the rest of my labor, I was listening to an amazing Labor Playlist that I created with all of my favorite powerful female singers (Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera, Whitney Houston, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, and Lady Gaga). As time went by, I was getting closer and closer to delivery. I started to be really anxious, but felt support by these fierce ladies. After a couple songs, I felt like I was in the right head space and thought to myself, “Let’s get this baby out!”

The nurse came in to adjust the pillows and told me it was almost time to push! Once she moved the pillows, I felt something weird. I can’t really explain it exactly but something was definitely off. I didn’t pay much attention to it at the moment because I was just so excited to finally meet my son. My husband and I took in the moment and realized, “Oh sh*t, we are about to be parents!”

As pushing time was quickly approaching, I started to feel some sharp pains radiating in the land down under! I thought, “hmm I don’t think I am supposed to be feeling this.” When I mentioned my pain to the nurse, she insisted that it was my nerves. Then, I started to get the feeling back in my legs and oh baby those contractions came in full force. It felt like my WHO-HA was on fire. Seriously….. it was painful and I applaud all mamas that do it the natural way. I salute you! What happened to my epidural and why wasn’t the darn thing working?

The doctor came walking in and I knew it was show time. They got my legs ready and once again I mentioned to the nurse that I didn’t think my epidural is working. By that time it was too late and Hudson was ready to make his big debut. It was time to push!

I began to push and let me tell you, Mama, I FELT EVERYTHING! As I was pushing, I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. It was as if I was riding the waves of contractions and pushing as the waves were crashing on the shore. After a couple pushes, the doctors wanted me to stop to wait for my next contraction, but my contractions were so irregular I could have been waiting minutes until my next one came. Meanwhile, there was a head protruding from my WHO-HA and it felt like Hudson was slowly being sucked back in. I told them, “No, I am pushing!”

It was as if the fierceness of Alicia Keys and Celine Dion were taking over me. I could hear it, “This girl is on FIRE” by Alicia Keys playing in my head. I continued to push and I could feel myself tearing (some epidural that was). I am not going to lie to you Mama. It hurts- pushing, tearing, all of it- but you can do it! I felt a sudden release of pressure and was welcomed by the sounds of Hudson crying!

It was a beautiful moment! The doctors cleaned him up a bit and put him in my arms. As my arms opened wide for him, I was welcomed by a beautiful shower of pee. My son wanted to make the moment extra special by marking his territory on his mama. I held him close and he immediately started breast feeding.

As I was experiencing this beautiful moment with my family, the doctor pushed firmly down onto my stomach to get the afterbirth out. One word-OUCH! That was my least favorite part of my experience. By this time my adrenaline was depleted and I was not prepared to feel that amount of pain or pressure on my belly. I continued to take in this moment with my husband and our newest addition as the doctors sewed me back together and cleaned me up. Hudson was here and he was ours! Born at 5:04pm, our cute 7lb 20.5 inch baby was finally home!

They took us to our post partum room and our journey to parenthood began! Oh yeah…… and when the nurse went to take out my epidural, it was already out. That weird pain I felt when she was adjusting my pillows, was the nurse accidentally yanking out my epidural.

Why did I share my story?

If you are still reading this, THANK YOU. Sharing my birth story was very personal and let’s be real, it was not very pretty. I shared my story with you because I wish someone told me their story other than “Every birth experience is different.” I hate to sound like a broken record Mama, but every experience is different. Obviously, my birth plan did not entail having to wear a mask or be sabotaged by COVID-19 and not every epidural is going to be pulled out. Do not expect to have a similar birth story because there are so many factors out of our control! My best advice to you mama are these few points I will leave you with.

• Your birth plan is more like a BASELINE. Be flexible and know things will change!
• Do not be ashamed, or discouraged if you choose to get an epidural. How do you want your birth experience to be? The opinions of others don’t matter.
• Make sure you talk with your partner about being an advocate for you! Also, discuss how you want them to treat you during labor. For example, I told my husband I wanted him not to baby me and be more like a football coach pushing me!
• Get yourself in the right headspace! Whether that means listening to worship, rap, EDM, or ferocious females!

You can do this Mama!