The Kerbs Twin Birth Story

I bet you’re wondering, where has Serena been! My last post was A Letter to Hudson, You Are Becoming A Big Brother and then I ghosted ya’ll! This is a post that is long overdue and I apologize for the delay. In all honesty, becoming a twin mom and balancing 3 kids under 3 has been quite the journey.

So MUCH happened in the first 2 months of the twins being born and honestly, life has NOT slowed down. I also kept putting my birth story off because I needed time to process it, accept it, and I’m now at the point where I can celebrate the experience.

I think many people underestimate the event of child birth. Yes, it is beautiful – magical even! But for the mother, it can be extremely traumatic and it may take time to process. If I’m being honest, I found myself even reaching out for support through counseling and prayer to help me process. Now, I am stronger and feel the utmost pride and joy for my experience.

The Day Before Labor

“Wide load coming through!” That’s how I felt walking around! At 36 weeks 6 days, gee whizz was I uncomfortable! Everything was getting tight! And I’m not just talking about my bra and underwear. My organs were getting crammed and let’s be honest, my bladder was uncontrollable. The baby kicks that were once so soft and sweet, became swift kicks that knocked the wind out of me. Don’t even get me started on coughs and sneezes! No matter how many kegal exercises I did during pregnancy, by 9 months, I always tinkled just a smidge! (No judgment zone!)

I was so uncomfortable, my husband and I tried several things to get things moving along like long walks, curb stepping, and of course “other” 😉 physical activities! Nothing worked.

Later that night, I suddenly stopped feeling Baby B kick while Baby A was tap dancing in the womb. I called the nurses and we agreed to play it safe and have me come in and get checked. After experiencing a miscarriage before, I was uneasy and terrified.

Being Admitted

They started by hooking me up to lots of machines. I had all these bands around my tummy to hold the fetal monitors in place, I could have been classified as a MUMMY instead of MOMMY!

It took a good chunk of minutes for multiple nurses to find Baby B’s heart beat. And when they did find it, the Baby would move and we would lose it. It was very hard for them to get a good reading to see if things were okay with Baby B which made me very uneasy. Every 30 minutes the nurses would come in and readjust me in weird positions and retie the fetal monitor bands. They decided to hold me for observation for eight hours. I had two options: go home and play the waiting game, or be admitted and induced at 12:00am since I am already there and will be 37 weeks pregnant at midnight.

My husband, Ryan, and I decided to stay at the hospital because I was too scared to not feel Baby B kick and see their heartbeat on the monitor. The unresolved trauma from my miscarriage made me so scared that something bad was going to happen, and being induced brought me some ease to my anxiety. For some reason, in my head I thought the longer they are in there is a higher risk something bad can happen. Obviously, that was not logical thinking but let’s be honest, how common is logical thinking when you are SUPER pregnant and anxious?

Being Induced

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I raised my concerns with my OBGYN that I did not want an epidural. When I was in labor with my son, I felt like I was pressured into it and I absolutely hated how it made me feel! She mentioned that since twin pregnancies are considered “high risk pregnancies’ having an epidural in place is a safety precaution in case an emergency cesarean is needed to deliver one or both of the twins at the last minute.

When I was in labor and delivery, my original OB that I had this discussion with wasn’t there. I was being told it was time to get my epidural but I continually refused. I advocated for myself and my husband supported my decision. We discussed with my nurse that I would wait until placing the epidural because I truly wanted to experience labor with a clear head. I was very thankful that the nurse respected and supported my decision. She spoke to me like I was a human and not just another patient they wanted to rush out the delivery room.

The Contractions

The contractions were coming and going, getting stronger and sharper. I stuck to my birth plan and used my birthing ball while listening to my soothing and inspiring Labor and Delivery Playlist on Apple Music. We had been there for hours so Ryan offered to get me anything I wanted to eat but I had a fear of pooping during labor so I stuck to ice cream. My nerves were so high I could barely eat anything and I was peeing so much. The excitement of finding out the genders of my babies and holding them in my arms was overwhelming! Despite all my fears after miscarriage, God helped me carry these babies to term and they were about to be Earth-side!

During this waiting period, I got so close with our nurse. I shared my fears with her and she made me feel comfortable and validated. We even laughed when I discussed my fears of pooping during labor. The comfort and connection with my nurse made a huge impact in my labor and delivery experience.

The doctor came in and said I was making good progress but my water was not breaking. She told me that if we break my water on my own, things could either progress really fast or really slow. I was extremely hesitant, but ended up letting them break my water.

The Intern

The doctor came in and asked if her intern could observe and assist. I didn’t think the experience was going to be a “big show” until she pulled out this long silver hook. In my head, I was freaking out thinking, “No way is she is going to stick this crochet thingy up there!” For a moment there was SHARP pressure then it suddenly released and everything was WET. I immediately felt embarrassed because I basically peed myself in front of the doctor and intern. But that feeling quickly went away when I got the sense that the intern was either about to pass out from watching that or the fact that the doctor put the used instrument in his hands. Once they broke my water, things progressed so fast! I went from 4 centimeters dilated to 10 centimeters in 10 minutes. Those contractions were pounding like Travis Barker on the drums!

It’s Show Time!

As the contractions started to get stronger, I sat on my birthing ball saying my labor and delivery affirmations in my head. I turned to look at my husband as he could see me sweating and fighting this mental battle in my head. I remember watching him take pictures of me with his camera saying, “You are beautiful and so strong!”

My nurse checked me and said, it’s time to get an epidural and prep the delivery room. She called the anesthesiologist and they took a little bit longer than expected. By the time he came, I was crowning and had to get my epidural in-between contractions. Let me tell you, standing still while bending over pregnant with twins and crowning while getting an epidural was probably the hardest part of my entire labor and delivery experience. I remember my husband telling me, “you’re okay baby” and I started yelling at him. I said, “I need you to talk to me like a football coach! You need to get me to the finish line!”

We got the epidural in and they started quickly wheeling me into the operating room. I remember being wheeled in seeing all the medical instruments and an overwhelming smell of something like formaldehyde. I was terrified, I started panicking to my husband. Surrounded by a team of doctors, nurses, and my husband, my adrenaline kicked it and I put on my game face.

Pushing Time

They placed me on the table and before I know it, I was ready to push. I didn’t realize how flexible I was even at 9 months! My legs wide open and knees to my shoulders, I pushed out Baby A, a beautiful baby girl. I knew the second she was born, she was my little Janine. I recognized her face on the sonograms. She was everything I could have dreamed of.

A couple minutes go by and the doctor’s tell me that it’s time to push for Baby B. All the sudden, my epidural hit my like hurricane, making me dizzy and numb. They told me to push but I couldn’t tell if I was pushing anymore. The doctor came to me and said, my cervix was beginning to close up with Baby B still inside so she gave me a couple options. They could vacuum out Baby B, do an emergency cesarean, or I would need to push her out fast.

Here They Come

As crappy as the epidural was hitting me, I remember holding my legs up as high as I could pushing until I could feel the vein in my forehead pop out. My brain needed to focus on something during these pushes. I decided to look up, and there he was- the same intern from earlier. Eyes wide open, showing all the facial expressions of surprise he could. We made eye contact the entire time I was pushing with my legs wide open in the sky, and I can honestly say it was the most uncomfortable yet intimate experience imaginable. The best part about this is one of the nurses that was taking pictures on Ryan’s camera got the greatest photo of this moment- intern and all!

Pushing three times, out came Baby B, another beautiful baby girl. My husband and I laughed because we were so sure we were having a boy and girl. We came up with name combos for two boys and a boy/girl. We agreed to have Baby B’s name start with a ‘B’, and named her Blakely.

My First Time Holding The Twins

While the twins were getting checked out, the doctors were taking care of some minor hemorrhaging I was experiencing. That didn’t stop me from asking to hold my girls! They placed them both in my arms- these two tiny humans fit across my chest. I remember immediately trying to breastfeed them tandem. I was able to get both babies to latch, but within minutes they unlatched. The nurses helped me by holding each one up to get a good latch. I knew from that moment that breastfeeding was not going to be as easy as it was with my singleton.

Let’s Wrap It Up!

Congratulations! You made it to the end of my really long labor and delivery story. It wasn’t what I planned, nor what I had expected. Sure, there were things I wish I could have done differently, but there were so many more things about the experience to celebrate! God blessed me and walked with me throughout the journey of growing and delivering two surprise baby girls after a miscarriage. I’d also be lying if I didn’t say I was celebrating when my nurse jokingly said, “You didn’t poop! I’m impressed!”

I’m not going to lie, there were moments I questioned my strength. But there was never a doubt in my mind that God was not with me through this. Every time I felt fear, I had a calming spirit come over me, telling me this delivery will be beautiful in a unique and unexpected way.

My postpartum journey was anything but easy. If ya’ll are interested let me know if you want to know more about my postpartum experience. After labor, I struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression, mastitis, identity shift, and isolation. I reached a point where I had to reach out for help. Through support and counseling, I am able to share this beautiful birth story. So although this post is a year late, that’s how long it took me to process, accept, and appreciate my labor experience. Counseling and prayer helped me to see the twin’s labor and deliver in a different lens.

Maybe you are pregnant, maybe you are postpartum! Either way, I encourage you to take the time to process the labor and delivery experience. You may come to find that what you thought was terrible, can actually be viewed as beautiful.